I Fail At Life. Mostly.

Okay, so during the school year I was all gung-ho about doing this whole 1000 days of happiness whatever. I'm still down for that. Don't get me wrong. But my life kind of exploded and in my attempts to get the weird little pieces looking somewhat distinctive again I completely abandoned this project. Now that I'm in Italy however..... Naw. I'm still not doing it.

LOOK AT THIS MOTHA!

I feel like when you have moments like watching the sunrise at sea, you can't really NOT have a good day. Yet instead of blogging about crazy experiences in the Adriatic Sea or how much I love this continent, I want to blog about things that matter. Like candy and how not to get fat.
Kiddinggggg. But really, no one wants to hear about something they can read from a guide book at Barnes and Noble (or see in the picture books if you're really lazy). Sure, when you get back from whatever summer trip you were on your friends say they want to hear about your adventures, but in reality they're just thinking "I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW, I COULD... [insert bad comment/action here]". Pictures and brief stories=acceptable. Hearing "OH MY GOD IT WAS SO AMAZING" every two seconds=not so enjoyable people. So once I'm done filming and I have to get back to my pretty boring life I'll have to start back up the thousand days because I'll be almost comatose due to lack of things to do. Congrats. The one person who has ever read this gets to read one more thing and wait another 2 weeks for me to write again. Go back to Stumble Upon now.

Happy Birfday! No, no April Fools.

DAY 3

Oh birthdays. Personally, I really despise them. Why celebrate a day that signifies you are one year closer to death? Especially around my age, I've already passed through the gateways of adulthood and the only thing to look forward to is the big* 21*, but even then I honestly don't care about the government telling me I can drink legally. This is college. You can get alcohol, weed, and any other illegal substance imaginable around every urine-tinted hallway. 

Regardless of my tangents and pessimism towards such joyous occasions, I love doing things for other people's birthdays. Although the year-closer-to-death thing still applies here, it's so fulfilling to either surprise or bug the crap out of whoever is tacking another year onto their already old selves. I'm so lucky I got to be the surpriser and the annoyance in two people's lives this year! ON THE SAME DAY.

Cordero Zuckerman, long lost brother of mine, I love you and our ridiculous antics. I feel that his weirdly and cheaply decorated place greatly exhibits our strange relationship. So much creativity, craziness, and utter randomness.

Then on the other hand is my sexy ab-clad friend Gregory, for whom I made life a living Hell. Thanks in large part to an anonymous helper, we streamered the crap out of this dude's door. Yet underneath all the torture was a lot of love..... but LET'S GET REAL. I was in it mainly for the torture :).

Along with night adventures to Village Inn, jamming out to music, and laughing in a group of people who obviously lacked sleep, April Fools Day was a complete success. And on top of everything I didn't get pranked! I was at least expecting a faked emergency room scare or a pie in the face. Come on prankers of the universe! Where the heck were you??? Also, to all of you Facebookers out there that changed relationship statuses, posted fallacies about being/having a baby mama, or declared some sort of move to the Far North, that is super weak. Way to be unoriginal people. De Disapproval Rating=THROUGH THE ROOF.

ANYWHOOZLE

I hope no one got seriously injured or died yesterday. My day was purely dedicated to attempting to make others happy. What did you do? I feel like things teetered on the edge of making someone miserable instead of making them happy for most people out there. Either way, as long as both parties got a good laugh out of it there's no harm right? Right.... Unless someone died. I cannot reiterate this enough. Funniness and death normally do not correlate. 

Here Comes the Sun (doodoodoodoo....)!

DÍA NUMERO DOS

I seriously don't know how I'm awake right now. That 14 page paper from hell combined with a lack of good sleep is hitting me hard. Seriously, this is one beat (and somewhat lonely) panda! Thusly, I have reached the conclusion to end my week by doing absolutely nothing except draw more 90s cartoons and angry babies. Ew. Babies......

Uhhhh..... Can you say struggles?

Courage The Cowardly Dog.... Can you say Boss status?

Regardless of this nonsensical tangent, the point is, I successfully completed Day 2 (aka Día Numero Dos) of my Thousand Days of Happiness. Wow, that's cheesy. *Note to self: In the very little productive off-time you have, a new title must be created! Can't be soundin' like a hippie up in this joint. THAT AIN'T ME* Tangents are rampant today.

ANYWHOOZLES

If the sun=fun, then it makes sense why I didn't have to look farther than outside my window to find a whole bunch of excitement! Despite my paper's attempts to bring in a massive hurricane of hurt and annoyance, its attempts were futile! What a way to end March and bring in good ol' Utah April. Ignoring the 25% snow, 50% rain, and 23% overall cold and gloom, I'd say that we have some pretty awesome sunny days   ( -___- ) <----------Please note the obvious sarcasm and the sleepy Asian face. I guess that's why I appreciated today so much. As I was sitting outside the library with one of my favorite people, I had one of those once a year, once a decade, or even once in a lifetime moments of complete bliss. Clad in my favorite dress, my rockin' sandals, and stunna shades, there's no reason not to be happy. 

I hope everyone was able to enjoy today like I did. Even if it was the most overcast day of the year, you stepped in dog feces, or got accosted by a Jesus-loving, sign-waving, pamphlet flinging psychotic, I bet that you found something to make it worthwhile. I hope you read cozy book by the windowpane, bought yourself a brand-spankin'-new pair of kicks, or got a pamphlet asking where Jesus has touched you..... I hope you let that inner sun shine. Doodoodoodoo.....

PS I totally got a pamphlet that asked me that once. Pretty much couldn't stop laughing for like three days.

PPS Finally don't have to thank Google images! Like a boss son.

"A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step"

Okay, so lately I've been thinking (please no comments on how shocking this fact may be)....
Life sucks. Not to be my typical cynical Debbie Downer self, but we all know this to be a simple truth. No matter where you go, what you do, everyone will always reach a point where nothing seems to be going right.

Examples of said times:
1. Your dog dies.
2. You lock yourself out of your building for the millionth time with no cell phone or vehicle, and there's no one around to let you in.
3. You're 4 points off from passing one of the most important tests of your academic career.
4. Your computer crashes, which is basically your entire life in a beautiful aluminum casing.
5. Your car breaks down and while trying to fix said car, you get hit by some jerk on his cell phone.

THIS IS YOU. F YOUR LIFE.

6. #1-5 including a giant evil dragon that breaks out of the 5th dimension to bite off your leg and leave you to be a sketchy amputee stripper like Lindsay Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me.
7. PS It's raining.

FML.com rolled in evil breadcrumbs and fried in depression right?

!WRONG!

No worries, I once thought the same thing. Being one of the most pessimistic and depressing people in the greater Salt Lake area, I am here to tell you that there is hope. I'm determined to prove that anyone reading this can find at least one thing to do every day that makes their life considerably joyous. I'm shooting for a thousand things, but knowing me I'll be lucky if I get like.... 5. 
Regardless of my epic failing, let's begin! Let the first of many steps be taken friends! 

DAY #1

Boredom overcame me today. It was nearly crippling. Instead of giving into my desire to sleep, I decided to be productive with my time

So guess who drew Charmander? THIS GIRL. LIKE A BOSS! And thus Day #1 consists of drawing Pokemon. As a large part of my childhood, it makes me smile to know that I'm able to draw my favorite character of all time. Okay, well Charizard is my favorite Pokemon, which is Charmander's evolved form. Okay, shiz, that's a lie too. My favorite was Cyndaquil. But Charmander definitely comes in at an easily earned third place. No joke, this is the greatest accomplishment of my day. As pathetic as this sounds, I haven't been able to take pride in anything I've done for the past semester and a half. Life has been bleak and meaningless, as if there's nothing worth living for. So if I have to draw every single Pokemon in my sadly obsolete Pokedex to find happiness, I will. Who knows what else is to come? Cliff Diving? Paintballing? Baby throwing? Oh wait. That last one might be illegal  -___-.

PS Thanks again Google Images!
PPS..... I have a 14 page paper due tomorrow. Uh..... Struggles.

I Don't Think Asher Roth Graduated From College

Oh the life of a college kid.
"I don't think I'm tall enough for that"
-Janalee

As the students begrudgingly came back to campus, the Asians returned to hogging the pool table, and the mixed smell of cigarettes, weed, and fried foods settled over the Heritage Center, you could definitely feel the excitement of Spring Semester.... PSYCH.

Well, to be honest, I was kind of excited. New classes are always so fresh and fun until you actually have to do work; let's get real here. Despite the constant party Asher Roth keeps rapping about, I really doubt that he graduated from college. It's not like I'd want to "pass out at 3, wake up at 10, go out to eat" and then get drunk off my behind, but at the same time, I wish I had his college experience! There's like, no work involved. Damn him. Anyway, there are pros and cons to living the life of a nerd and going to class...

Damn this man.

SPANISH

Pros: World domination will be much easier if I know more than one language

Cons: I kind of fail at being multilingual. I really don't think I've ever felt more stupid.

ART HISTORY

Pros: Uh.... Pretty pictures?

Cons: The headache you get from pounding your head into the wall behind you because you're so bored and you want to scream at your professor. "THAT BLOTCH IS NOT A SYMBOL OF AMBIGUITY. IT'S JUST A BLOB YOU PRETENTIOUS FOOL!"

FILM HISTORY

Pros: Getting to see some really unique and touching movies like Last Laugh. Oh, and sitting next to my friend and laughing at all the weird old films we have to watch. For example, last semester the lovely woman in the horribly racist and incredulous Birth of a Nation tried to kill people with a ladle. Win.

Cons: It's still history. On top of that, some of the movies are super creepy/boring. If you have a choice, for god's sake, NEVER watch Birth of a Nation or The Seventh Seal. 

WRITING

Pros: For once, I'm actually getting along with people! Shockerrrrrr. Plus, the professor is a cool bald man with a strange goatee that is almost as sarcastic as I am. Bein' taughted to write gooder is stuff enjoy I :).

Cons: It's writing. I suck at writing and I hate it with the blazing heat of a million suns + Mars. Yeah, let's get rid of the cold planet but keep the really hot one. Poor Pluto. I hardly knew ye. Wait, what was I talking about? SEE I CAN'T DO THIS!

Stupid Mars. Poor Pluto.

If you've never experienced any of these feelings while in these classes or classes like them, you are a far better person than I. Or you're a genius. Or an alien. I'm going for kind alien genius from Pluto.

So while you may become distracted by all the pretty promises of free movies, free ice skating, and free food, keep in mind what these University people are trying to do to you kiddies.....

THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE YOU LEARN! That is why people go to college. Typically. Right? Behind the parties, independence, and X rated co-ed hangouts, college is for learning; even if it's about blobs and ladle-swinging murderers. 

Oh and thanks again Google Images :P

"Things Won't Always Be Like This"

The only thing I've heard since entering my Freshman year at the University of Utah is "Don't worry De, things won't always be like this". Friends, family, advisors, and the frowning girl looking back at me in the mirror; everyone tries to provide this pathetic consolation. What's that supposed to even mean? Obviously, the implication is that things will get better with time, but in your most vulnerable and desperate of moments, it's easy to believe that life will just get worse.


I'm not just some whiny teen looking for attention on a blog. I'm merely an 18 year old girl who's looking for answers. There are so many new things coming into my life that I don't know which version of me is right. The old 2010 version of De that was miserable with condescending, ignorant people in her life and a personality that swung more violently than a pendulum, or the new 2011 De that can't seem to even describe herself. In the process of this sudden and fairly drastic transition, this 2011 De (that may wind up with a new name before the semester is over) has a new dorm, new friends, and new prospects. While she has gained more confidence and an eye for positivity, the old De is weeping in the corner because she has been left behind with many other memories and people from the past year. 

First Semester..... We look happy right? Weeeellll.... about that.....

Okay, I'm not a nut. Just to clarify, I know that there aren't multiple "me"s running around out there. I want people to know that even though I'm sure no one's even reading this.  

Theoretical Orphan Who Needs Saving

Being the first to criticize myself in any given situation, I must admit that I have messed up in the past year. Causing drama, which is something I like to avoid, has become my specialty. Yet despite the relationships I destroyed faster than children being born in this God-forsaken state and in greater magnitude than that 6.6 earthquake in 1934, there is a part of me that can't feel guilt. It's not just that I don't. I can't. I am mentally and emotionally incapable of feeling this sensation. As the weeping girl in the corner screams "What have you done to us?!" and "You're the most heartless bitch in history!"this new girl pushes her in the closet and walks out the front door into a brightly lit future. Maybe it's true that 2011 De is a big bitch. Maybe it's true that she has an emptiness where her heart once was. But how can an individual have meaning if they only serve others? Let's not get into this whole "sharing is caring" bull, with the activists saving third world orphans and repairing the rainforest that needs rescuing. 


If you live your life for the satisfaction of other people, what point is there in living? 
If you try to take on other people's burdens to stifle your own, will they disappear? 
If you surround yourself with ignorant people, is it possible to degrade yourself to the same ignorance? 
If you do whatever you have to do to find meaning in your life, does that make you wrong?


The last question takes up probably 98% of my brain power every day, which is horrible considering you only use about ten percent of your brain's actual capacity. Or something like that. I've successfully rid myself of everyone that caused me grief, but at the same time tore out a whole part of me. I'm not referring to the idea of the weird 2010 De I have competing with the newer me in my brain. There was someone so dear and close to my heart that he consisted of half of my entire being. But he's gone. I pushed him away. Yet I still feel no guilt. This leads me to my main question:


What's wrong with me? 


With no one who can answer this question, I guess I should give a fairly acceptable answer. Nothing is wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with my other half. There's a lot wrong with some of the people I've encountered in my life, but that's their issue to deal with. All anyone my age can really hope for is that they grow into a better person. As my body begins to catch up with my mind in age, I realize that there are no wrong decisions. Everything leads you to where you're supposed to be. If you didn't have something new enter your life, how could things not always be the way they are? So, I guess my friends, family, and advisors are right; Things won't always be like this. At this point, I can only hope that the bright light ahead of me won't scold the bold, new 2011 De in the process. 


The rest of my posts won't be too philosophical or whiny, I promise. I love rambling on about the incredulity of Snuggies, the ridiculously orange, and of course the absurd rituals of young adults. Just stick with me? Please?


Oh and PS, thanks Google Images.